Trolls and their place in my ritual

This is an email conversation that I had at work. The BOLD parts are mine. The non-bold are not me.
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Solution: Put that boy in a swing and put an ice-cold Foster's in his hand and the rest is up to the imagination!
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And do you HONESTLY think I share my Fosters?
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Come on now! You said yourself that they had been sitting in the fridge for xx number of months!
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Oh...OH! you naughty boy to be remembering that! Shame on you!!

Please make your selection from the list below:
1. I drank all those.
2. I gave it to my cats.
3. I threw them away.
4. I gave them away thru Freecycle.
5. I bought more.
6. All of the above.

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Got to be All of the above!
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Wrong.... it was #7.... which was ..... 7. Built a huge fire in the middle of a circle of stones, danced around it, and smashed the bottles on the rocks. I'm a little surprised that you got that question wrong.
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I hope there were no Voodoo dolls associated with this obviously cult tradition!
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ah, yes.... NO. No voodoo dolls, but there is a secret ritual involving troll dolls. It's not a pretty sight, but it is necessary.
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Oh, please do go on.....
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First, they have to wear the "Shoes of Tempai" (which resemble flip-flops but with palm trees on the tops). This is required so their souls do not slip out from their bodies during the dance. They wear the Cawlboyl Hats to keep the heat contained in their bodies.....

Are you sure you want to hear all this???
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Absolutely! This is better than any Sacrifice I ever made
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okay..... sigh....

All trolls must don the Toga of Tonga. For male trolls, the Toga of Tonga is a hot pink drape with lacy edges and bright yellow and green flowers all over it. For female trolls, the Toga of Tonga is made out of camoflage material with ammo packs across their chests.

Trolls are dipped in bleach. This is where it starts to be rather unpleasant. The bleach purifies their bodies and clears their minds of all worldly thoughts. Each troll is dipped into a food color/alcohol mix. That helps the smoke later.

It's all downhill from there.

This is usually accompanied by songs like "Don't Worry, Be Happy", "Kokomo", and "I Wanna Be a Cowboy"....but now the traditional "Three Rings Round the Fire" happens. There's dancing and general debauchery.

The Big Finale is a "Toasting of the Trolls". This is where the smoke comes in...with all the pretty colors.

It is a rather elaborate affair and Good Times! are had by all.

All except the trolls, of course.
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Just plain speechless!!!!! I am only sorry that I did not think of it first. But now I have something to build on! However, we must be aware of the following:

1. PETA - If trolls are classified as animals.
2. The EPA - Permits for pollution.
3. Anti-Defamation League - Not Jewish, are they?
4. ACLU - I know you must have violated some kind of civil rights.
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1. I looked up trolls:

"As stated earlier, Trolls are not animals. They can communicate and have societies with, to stretch the definition of the word a bit, ethics and rules."

We are off the hook on that one.

2. Uh..... I think food coloring is safe to burn. It's the bleach and alcohol I am worried about. Oh! We can hire geisha girls to fan the smoke away from us.

3. Not Jewish.

4. Egad! Civil Rights!! The ACLU has imposed on MY civil rights be saying I've imposed on other people's civil rights. Bah!
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It's all in a day's work.